mirror fight with ashton kutcher over katie holms

I must have had a rough night last night, because it is all seeming very hazy and I am having trouble remembering exactly what happened. All I know is that I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my mom enjoying dinner. The mariachi band was playing and we had the most delicious fajitas. We were just eating and talking, laughing and generally having a good time. The horchata tasted a little funny and when I got to the bottom of my drink there was a little raffle ticket saying that I had won a free dinner that night! This was great, as free food is almost always better than food that you pay for, but like they say, "there is no such thing as a free lunch."

We left the restaurant and I started feeling really sick. I think that whatever the raffle ticket was made of had dissolved into my drink and was making me a little delirious. I walked into some building and saw Katie Holmes sitting there and in my delirious state, went up to hit on her. I was making some great progress and had her eating out of the palm of my hands, laughing at all my jokes, when Ashton Kutcher came over and told me that was his girl. I told him to back off and he did not like that at all. He pushed me, so I pushed him back and he slammed against a mirror, shattering it to the floor. We both picked up shards of mirror and started slashing at each other. How barbaric! All this over stupid Katie Holmes. We slashed and punched, kicked and bit. This went on for so long that we were both exhausted, bloodied, sweaty, and breathing heavy. I still was not feeling up to par and was lucky to have held him off, even getting so good jabs of my mirror into his side. As we paused, we talked and decided that she was not worth it, so we shook hands and went home. I am not sure if I am still sick or if it is the stab wound, but I me stomach still hurts.